Posted by: Susan Johnson | November 13, 2009

Love Conquers any Power that Satan Has!

 

Nov. 8, 2009) Hey all you out there — Salamat gid for all of the advice you guys sent to me…galing I have yet to read it. I will print it out and read it later. Thank you so much for all of the lovin. For rills I haven’t even read it but I know it will help. Yea things are still pretty hard with the comp. I have been praying like mad but it seems that in everything we do we misunderstand each other. And we had comp inventory and she told me that everything I do annoys her so that wasn’t very good on the self esteem. Still through it all, I am able to find strength from God and I know he is aware of me and loves me. I have actually been thinking a lot about love lately. You guys this whole mission thing has been super hard for me. I have struggled unimaginably since the moment I stepped into the MTC. I don’t know how to explain it but it seems that the person I have become on my mission is someone different. I feel like the fun loving person I was before is not who I am now. I feel frustrated all the time and the fact that I feel that way when I am a missionary only makes me feel worse. This is the time for me to grow and become more like the Savior and apply the gospel and be so happy…but I haven’t been and I couldn’t figure out why.  I felt like I had no where to turn.  I wish I could explain all that I have been going through but time does not permit. Sorry this is so depressing but it gets better. I have seemed to grab on to a single ray of hope.  This last Wednesday I went on splits with some other sisters in my zone. It was soooo good for me and I think this is the turning point in my mission. I don’t know how but after our day of work we went back to the apartment and I don’t know, we just started talking and I don’t know why but I just let it out. I let in all out. I was so ready to burst before. I felt so relieved afterward just to talk about it. The sister I was with was sooooo helpful. She said some things that were so inspired and I needed to hear. It got me thinking and I think I figured out what my problem has been. It has been the lack of love. I didn’t love myself, I felt no love from the people around me, and I didn’t have true Christ like love for others. As I contemplated more about the concept of love, I discovered that it is at the center of everything that we believe in. It is so critical to the plan of salvation and our life on earth. It is love that conquers any power that Satan has. It softens the hardest of hearts, fills us with hope and happiness. This lack of love caused me to turn cold and bitter and full of despair. I have come up with a game plan. First love myself, second seek to feels Gods love for me and third, Love others. These past few days has been amazing. I feel so much relief and I know that this is the course I need to take to get myself back on track. Even in this short time I feel like the darkness has cleared and there are only sunny days ahead of me. Please don’t worry about me things are getting better. I know that we all have trials for a reason and I am sure that I have gone through this for a specific purpose and I know that I will be a millions times stronger because of this. I trust God. If you get a chance read Mosiah 4. This is some powerful stuff about love. Also check out the talk by Elder Wirthlin the greatest commandment. These are so powerful about love. I wish I could explain more and I feel my words don’t do it justice. But again don’t worry about me just pray for me. I love you all.
Sister Johnson

 

 

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